Friday, January 20, 2006
Muse Muse Muse Ponder Ponder Ponder
Last night I decided that I want to grow up to be a drunken master. I mean...come ON, how could you NOT want to be one?
I also want to be a pirate, but not like in the fanboy sense of the word, all yarr and cutlasses. I want to be a goddamned pirate. I will sail the Caribbean in a fast motor boat and knock off luxury yachts and maybe smuggle cocaine or something. Because I will also be a drunken master, the Coast Guard will be unable to stand up to my Captain Morgan's fuelled onslaught. Someday I will retire to a tropical island and open a dojo where I will teach my unique style of drunken kung fu. The dojo will be tastefully and elegantly decorated, as befits a pirate king drunken kung fu master. I will be fantastically wealthy, thanks to the profits from hijacking yachts and selling cocaine, but the only sign of my wealth will be my elaborate and extensive collection of books and movies.
On my pirate kung fu island, I will mete out justice in a fair and benevolent manner. Eventually, me and my people will declare ourselves an independent republic. Our chief export will be premium blow, and our primary import will be former millionaires that will serve as galley slaves. To demonstrate my exquisite sense of irony, only former Wall Street traders and Ivy-league students will be assigned to the manufacture of my island's cocaine.
Years from now, I will be featured in history books, and it shall be good.
¶ 4:12 PM
I also want to be a pirate, but not like in the fanboy sense of the word, all yarr and cutlasses. I want to be a goddamned pirate. I will sail the Caribbean in a fast motor boat and knock off luxury yachts and maybe smuggle cocaine or something. Because I will also be a drunken master, the Coast Guard will be unable to stand up to my Captain Morgan's fuelled onslaught. Someday I will retire to a tropical island and open a dojo where I will teach my unique style of drunken kung fu. The dojo will be tastefully and elegantly decorated, as befits a pirate king drunken kung fu master. I will be fantastically wealthy, thanks to the profits from hijacking yachts and selling cocaine, but the only sign of my wealth will be my elaborate and extensive collection of books and movies.
On my pirate kung fu island, I will mete out justice in a fair and benevolent manner. Eventually, me and my people will declare ourselves an independent republic. Our chief export will be premium blow, and our primary import will be former millionaires that will serve as galley slaves. To demonstrate my exquisite sense of irony, only former Wall Street traders and Ivy-league students will be assigned to the manufacture of my island's cocaine.
Years from now, I will be featured in history books, and it shall be good.
¶ 4:12 PM
